Maryland
by PushTheButtton
Summary: "He doesn't blame her for trying to make a life with someone, but he hopes and prays with every fiber of his being that she's doing this for her and not for what she thinks she's supposed to be doing." A wedding invite, a three hour drive and a last minute arrival that changes everything.


**This is just a one shot based on a prompt I got on tumblr. Hope you enjoy. :)**

* * *

**Maryland**

His neck is stiff as he sits ramrod straight in his car, his foot pressed all the way down on the gas pedal as if potentially pressing it through the floorboard will make the car go any faster.

He's on the interstate going toward Baltimore. Baltimore of all fucking places, he grates internally. She had to have it here. As if walking through the doors of Brian's mom's home wasn't bad enough, it had to be after he'd driven three plus hours in the heat of summer while wearing one of his old work suits.

Apparently Brian's mother relocated to Maryland and wants them to marry there as well. Maybe they'll buy a house with a white picket fence and a two car garage after this is all said and done, he muses, as he shakes his head, wraps a sweaty palm tightly around the steering wheel and takes the next exit.

He still can't believe she even pursued anything with Brian let alone agreed to marry him, a marriage, which will occur in a few short hours. He remembers the conversation he had with her at their lockers fifteen years ago.

"I broke a personal rule, Elliot. And now he wants to see me again."

"Can you blame him?"

He knows he didn't blame Brian for his feelings then and he still doesn't now. He's always known that someone would latch onto her and never let go, never let her vulnerability and beauty, inside and out, shine bright and clear for anyone else again.

And he doesn't blame her for trying to make a life with someone, but he hopes and prays with every fiber of his being that she's doing this for her and not for what she thinks she's supposed to be doing.

After all, he'd been the one to leave and he tries not to sound like the self righteous asshole most think he is, but he does think she's finally given up on him and it makes his palms sweat even more as he at last turns down the street to the large home of Mrs. Cassidy.

The name makes his heart constrict with the irony.

_I never gave up on you. But you were always better off without me. I hope this is what you need._

_. . . _

Wrapping the white shawl over her shoulders, Olivia looks into the small mirror as Amanda and Casey chatter behind her in the spare bedroom.

"Guys," she utters after taking a shuddering breath. Her nerves are on fire and her chest feels like there's ice water running through her lungs as several different emotions flit though her mind and body at once. "Is Brian still outside? I need to use the restroom."

"Yeah, he's outside talking with Fin and Logan," Rollins answers.

"Good," she huffs out a breath of air as she lifts the lightweight, white and yellow sundress off the ground.

She's excited, she really is. She's better off this way, she reminds herself for the tenth time that day. Brian can give her what she wants. He can be there for her now, he can help her.

He can be anything she wants him to be in all honesty, because she knows she's had him wrapped around her finger since the day he started in SVU so long ago. And that's what makes her care for him in the deepest part of her heart.

He's definitely flawed and on more than one instance, she's found herself wondering if taking this leap of faith with him is worth it.

It's time, she reiterates in her mind. It's time to do what you want. This is what you want. She's never dreamed of marriage or happily ever afters and after the life she's led, this is the best of the best, she concludes.

She loves him for what he's offering her now and that's all she can ask for because she knows he loves her, that's never been the question.

That's the thought she's left with when she rounds the corner leading to the bathroom before coming face to face, eye to eye with two cerulean eyes that burn through her like a flame set to a low ebb.

He stops in his tracks and his neck bobs as he swallows nervously, she surmises.

"Liv."

"El," she whispers shakily. "You made it," she barely breathes out, her heart in her stomach and her hands awkwardly curled to her chest.

He steps back a fraction of an inch before nodding. "Yeah, 'course," he replies softly with a small shrug. "I wanted to be here for your big day. This is for you," he offers as he holds out a small box.

She timidly reaches for it and opens it finding a small round pendent with two diamonds embedded in the center. A necklace. A beautiful and seemingly very expensive one.

"Elliot," she breathes out as she picks up the thin gold chain with her index finger. "Oh, you shouldn't—."

"Thought it was perfect for you. It's a symbol of fearlessness. I know how much you have always loved that saying "Stay fearless.""

"I do," she whispers, and as she lifts her eyes to meet his, she feels the tears pool in her eyes and the tension of not seeing him for years filling the space between them. "Thank you. I uh, I was just heading to the restroom. Will you be here when I come out? I'd like to talk?"

"I uh," he starts then stops. "We can talk afterwards, it's almost time," he smiles shyly as he looks at his watch and her heart sinks. Yes, it's almost time to marry Brian.

She can't help but feel disappointed in that. She should be nervous at the thought of becoming someone's wife but all she feels the nerves stem from is not being able to talk to Elliot first.

She swallows back the tears, and the emotion boiling up from her throat. "Yeah, afterwards," she says, a sad smile forming on her lips she guesses, hoping she's not being as transparent as she thinks she is.

. . .

There's ten minutes until the ceremony and his phone vibrates in his pocket just as the music starts up. He's in the last row possible away from the prying eyes of his old captain and former colleagues he'd shook hands and had idle conversation with earlier.

He knows they heard through the grapevine about his wife leaving him a few years ago and they can see Olivia moving on too.

If only they knew of the thick smog filling his chest and lungs from because of the heat burning through him at the acute devastation he's starting to feel.

His partner is about to get married. His former partner. She's finally found something better than what she had. He's never understood her more than right now and it burns so deeply he almost forgets to answer the new text message.

He hasn't talked to Olivia since the necklace exchange but he's seen her peek out of the bedroom window a few times as he's sat and waited.

As he glances down and reads the message, his heart plummets again but he's not sure if it's out of sadness or relief.

. . .

He knocks on the door. Five minutes. Five fucking minutes to go. This is it. He has to say goodbye.

"Hey stranger," Casey greets as she whips open the door just enough to peer though. "What's up? We thought you were Brian."

He half smiles but urges quickly, "I need to talk to Olivia," he responds, wiping a nervous palm down the back of his head.

"Uh oh," Casey responds as her smile wanes. "You're not gonna steal her away are you?" the red head grins as she looks over her shoulder and urges Olivia to her side. "Here you go."

He must look weary because Olivia's soft voice grips his chest even more. "Elliot? What's wrong? You're sweating."

He shakes his head, and smiles impishly while trying to calm his nerves down. As he looks at her now, he realizes the extent of his feelings. He hadn't let himself admire how beautiful she is until now and it's not the time. So he deflects.

"I got to go," he nods nervously. " I was just letting you know."

Her immediate intake of air doesn't go unnoticed by him as she pulls the door closed behind her. "What?" her voice trembles. "Already? Five minutes, Elliot? You gotta go?"

"Yeah, babe, something came up," and he mentally facepalms at the choice of words. "I'm sorry, Liv. You have a wonderful day, you deserve it. Don't let me keep you from having a great time." _Even if it breaks my heart._

But he doesn't say it. He can never say that to her.

She doesn't say anything for long seconds and when he looks back up, his eyes immediately connect with hers. Hers are red rimmed and tears pool at the edge and he hates that he's the reason why.

He's not supposed to make her cry on her wedding day. That's meant for her husband to do and they're supposed to be tears of joy.

The crack in his heart deepens and spreads like a jagged edge through his resolve.  
And it finally splits in two when her shaky voice floats into his ears.

"Please don't go," she whispers. "Please stay."

And he wants to. He wants to be there for her like they've been there for each other their entire existence together but he has to take this opportunity to let her go. It'll hurt less.

"I can't, Liv," and he breaks, his voice cracks and his own eyes water as she reaches for him. He feels her tug against his arm, pulling him to her for an embrace. "I'm so happy for you, Liv. I'm so happy," he mumbles against her shoulder as they embrace tightly. She feels so warm in his arms and it's the most complete he's felt in years. He has to do this for her. "You know where I am. Let me know when you're back from your honeymoon, okay?"

She sniffs and nods as she pulls back.

"I can't believe you have to go but if you have to, then be careful and drive safe. I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah, of course," he replies, straightening out his tie and suit jacket. "Now go. Go make him the luckiest son of a bitch in existence," he grins as he wipes his tired eyes with his thumb.

She simply nods with a sad smile on her face as he turns to walk down the hallway. Their eyes stay connected until he can't take it anymore and pulls his away reluctantly.

He tries to keep his eyes from blurring with each step but it's a failed attempt at best. He hears Casey's voice coming from the bedroom just as he steps onto the porch and closes the screen door behind him.

As he reaches the sidewalk on the side of the house leading to his parked car a few houses down, he finally notices everything around him.

It's as crystal clear as the sky above him, a perfect shade of blue for the perfect woman inside of that house who is about to marry a guy he can't say he's ever hated. He takes a shuddering breath and stuffs his hands in his pockets as he walks.

But before he can get much further than a few feet from the beautiful house, her voice snaps him out of his reverie.

"Elliot! Wait!"

He turns around and a few people who'd been gathered around a car, late arrivals he assumes, turn around to look at them both as she runs as best as she can with the long flowing summer dress bunched in her hands.

"Liv, what are you doing?"

"Coming for you," she says matter of factually.

"What do you mean?"

After panting for a few moments, trying to catch her breath from the short jog, she lets go of the material of her dress and just stares at him. Pursing her lips knowingly, the way she does so effectively on the job, while questioning someone, she stares at him, her eyes never leaving his.  
She then tips her head up and glances at him from the corner of her eye, licking her lips before speaking.

"I know you, Elliot. I know you damn well and I won't let you leave here without telling me exactly what you're thinking about what I'm doing."

Shaking his weary head, he glances at the people staring and lightly grasps her by the elbow, effectively pulling her to the side of the house where no one can see them.

It's when they stop in front of each other again that he notices the depth of the silence around them.

He stares at her, searching her eyes.

"What are you doing, Liv? You had five minutes, I don't hear music."

"I told Casey to tell them to stop the music."  
"Why?"

"I don't want to do this without you here."

"What?" he breathes out.

"I don't want to do this," she reiterates in a hushed whisper. "Without you."  
Immediately, his back straightens with realization. The pain and tears he'd seen in her eyes had been the same as his.

"Olivia what are you saying?"

"That I don't want to get married today?"

"Have you told Brian?"

"No," she takes a deep breath as she runs a hand through her loose waves. "But I think Casey will tell him."

After a long pause, his mind and speech continue to run rampant. "What's happening?" he asks confused. He doesn't think his heart can crack anymore, if she's just got cold feet but still wants this….

"I figured out it's not what I want that exactly matters right now,… it's what I 'need,'" she emphasizes by ligthly tapping her chest with her closed fist. "I've gone months and months and possibly years finally doing what I wanted without hesitation. But it's not exactly what I needed. Not at all. What I need in my life isn't on the other side of that house Elliot. Do you understand?"

His heart pounds and he purses his lips.

"Olivia, don't mess this up. Go be with him. I'm not stopping you anymore. Please."

"But I want you to," she seethes out in a whisper. "Please tell me you feel the same. I saw the way you were looking at me. Just say it!"

He doesn't want to say it, he doesn't want to make her feel obligated to him anymore, by God, she's second guessing herself and that makes him second guess himself and shouldn't he help her feel secure?

He stuffs his hands in his pants pockets, and pivots lightly on his feet, looking out in front of him at the small lake behind the nice home. He's taking a large gamble here and he almost laughs out loud to how much he feels like he's living inside of a sappy movie on the Hallmark channel.

It's her wedding day yet she's begging him to tell her there's a reason to stop this whole ceremony from happening. His mouth moves before he can stop the onslaught of words.

"I love you," he whispers as he turns his head to stare at her neck, he eyes blurry from the intensity of the statement and purely not knowing where else to look. "I've loved for as long as I can remember. Is that what you want?"

"No," she mumbles behind tears as she shakes her head. "What I 'want' doesn't matter. It's what I need that's important. I "need" you to not leave me again," she whispers, the moisture pooling over her eyelids and running down her cheek.

He can't deny her anymore. He can't deny himself either and he's the biggest prick for wanting this but she's handing this opportunity to him on a silver platter and he's not letting it go by.

Nodding, he lifts his hand to her cheek and just stares at her. "On your wedding day?" he asks incredulously.

Nodding back, she cups his hand with her own and stares at him with those dark eyes that imprint themselves in his dreams at night. "You going back to New York?"

"Yes," he replies, running his thumb under her eye, effectively catching the residual tears pooling there.

"Then… then take me with you," she whispers, her eyes bold, glossy and sure. "Please."

His forehead falls to hers and he's past caring who's watching now. He's not sure where to put all of his emotions, but all he knows is that he didn't come here expecting much let alone leaving with the best prize of all.

"What about everything else?"

"Casey's taking care of it. If I'm not mistaken, I think she's told everyone by now. Look," she gently prods, turning her head toward the front of the house as people start milling down the front sidwalk toward their cars lined up in front and he feels guilty, he really does but that feeling escapes when she continues. "We talked earlier. She's always been a great help," she grins slightly and then turns to look at him with a shy smile.

"I can't believe this Olivia," he pants against her, his face now close enough for his breath to touch her skin. "Maybe we should leave too. I parked down the street a bit. No one will see and you can call and tell Casey about everything and then you can explain however you want to everyone else. But we really gotta go. I got a text from Maureen's husband. She's having an emergency appendectomy as soon as possible. They rushed her to the E.R. with stomach pains. He texted me saying how she was sorry for interrupting my visit here. That's the reason I had to leave early. They didn't know what was wrong at first."

"Okay, let's go," she prods. "I'm ready. Like you said, everything else can be sorted later."

"Yeah," he agrees with a sly smile on his face. "How badly is Brian going to kick my ass for ruining his wedding?"

Sighing, she weaves her hands though her hair again as they approach his car, tentatively opening the door and seating herself against the seat. She stares out the window and reaches for his hand as she finally answers.

"I really did love him," she says quietly.

"I know," he replies, squeezing her hand.

"He'll understand. He has to. This all happened so fast. I owe him a lot you know."

He nods. He does know. "You just weren't in love."

Shaking her head, she pulls his hand to her mouth and kisses it sweetly. "No. He and I…, it hadn't changed much from that first year. Just instead of being distracted by my job like back then, it was something else this time. I was already in love with someone else."

His breath hitches and he has to stop the car he'd just barely started to drive because of the way her lips touch his skin. He looks over to her.. His eyes burn and his lips feel dry but that doesn't stop him from reaching for her neck and pulling her to him, his mouth latching onto hers for the first time.

Her lips respond and she grips his dress shirt underneath his suit jacket with intent as she comes in for more and he thinks that this is what true happiness is.

They kiss on the side of the road for long moments and before they realize it, five minutes has passed. Five minutes. They're out of breath but he doesn't care and he supposes she's unconcerned as well as she slyly wipes her mouth with her fingers in an exploration of where his lips had been.

"Let's go home," she whispers before grabbing his hand again. He nods and they drive toward the interstate once more. The Maryland state sign starts to blur in the distance behind them. Goodbye never felt so good he muses, as he intertwines their fingers and drives at a steady pace.

_finis. _


End file.
